WPPIT Investigates Camp Crystal Lake
by Magie Fox
Summary: This started off as a joke, I just wanted to see what others thought of it. Basically its my ghost hunting team investigating Camp Crystal Lake to see of the possibility of Jason ever existing.


W.P.P.I.T. Investigates Camp Crystal Lake "Ok," Jay spoke into the small digital recorder in his hand, "this is case number eighty seven. Investigators on this case are myself, Steve, Lisa, James, Kelsay, and Mike." He pressed the stop button on the recorder and turned to his team. "Guys, this is a big one… Who knew we would have ended up investigating here… A _real_ place… not someone's dreams."

Kelsay glared at him, "Hey, you know if we could, and it was a viable and reliable source of evidence, then we would…" They had had arguments over the superiority of Jason Voorhees above Freddy Kruger numerous times before.

Jay opened his mouth to retaliate but Lisa put her hand up, "No, don't start… We are here to do an investigation. So, let just investigate…Ok?"

"He started it." Kelsay stubbornly butted in.

"AH! I don't want to hear it!" Lisa said in a tone that was pure evidence of her being a mother. Mom had spoken; end of story.

The team was still standing outside the archway to the camp. A chilly, autumn, breeze blew across them, rustling a few dry leaves; blowing the leaves down the path leading to the Camp office.

"Well, who's first?" Lisa asked.

"Leader of the pack…" Kelsay said and gave Jay a nudge forward.

Jay quickly looked back and shifted his eyebrow up.

Steve rolled his eyes, threw his hand back and hit Mike in the chest, "Come on, let's go, since no one else wants to." He started walking forward, his camera in hand and his video camera bag slung over his shoulder.

Mike shrugged his shoulders and followed, James was close behind.

This sudden shift in movement caused the entire team to follow suite. The breeze continued to blow as they walked down the path, which was washed in a pale blue light from the moon.

"Well, if this isn't creepy horror movie setting then I don't know what is…" Kelsay muttered to herself, "Yeah, Jay, sure, let's go to Camp Crystal Lake, nothing could possibly go wrong…"

The Camp office was old, creaky, creepy, and neglected. Steve walked up on the front porch, each step cracked as if they were going to break at any second. He grabbed a hold of the rusted doorknob and gave it a quick turn. It broke off.

"Oh great, Uncle Steve just doomed us all, he broke Jason's doorknob." Mike said.

"I was trying to see if it would open." Steve said dryly. He started back across the porch but the door creaked open behind him. Slowly, Steve turned around, half expecting to see someone standing in the doorframe, the rest of the team peeked around him to get a look at the now open door.

To their relief, no one was standing there.

"See, now it's open…" Steve said, "Mission accomplished."

"Yeah, in a super creepy way…" Lisa said as another breeze blew in from across the lake, carrying with it a smell of dead leaves, dirty water, and another indistinct smell.

Steve poked his head in the dark, open, doorframe, "OH MY GOD!"

Everyone jumped then chorused a panicked, "What?"

"There… are…" Uncle Steve started off slowly and from the back they could tell that he was looking around.

"Are what?" Jay asked.

"…Office supplies." Steve said as he chuckled and turned around.

"Dude, not cool!" Mike shouted.

The others just shook their heads.

Uncle Steve dug around in his camera bag for a second before pulling out his penlight and heading inside the office. The light from his flashlight could be seen through the dirt and dust encrusted, broken windows as he moved around inside. The rest of the team followed him in.

Inside, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. There were cobwebs in every corner. Those with flashlights turned them on and did their own sweep of one room building. There was a large paper cutter sitting on one of the three desks with the blade missing.

"Oh my God!" Kelsay screamed.

Jay turned around, "Yeah we know, office supplies." He turned back around to rummage through a pile of paperwork.

"No, Spider!" Kelsay said as she backed away from Jay, pointing to his back.

"Where?" Jay quickly started looking around, at the ceiling, desk and floor.

"…On your fucking back!" She backed into one of the office chairs and fell into it.

"What?" Jay quickly threw off his back pack; that carried all of his investigation stuff in it, and then started to pull off his jacket. Once his jacket was off he began to impersonate Michael Flatly on a forwarded mentioned jacket, and then quickly backed away from it, his flashlight still shining on the crumpled mound of fabric.

"What's the matter, Dork of the Dance?" Uncle Steve asked as Jay nearly bumped into him.

Jay cleared his throat, "Spider."

Lisa walked over to the illuminated jacket and picked it up. She looked it over and found what appeared to be remains of a spider, "That?" She pointed to the splatter mark with eight tiny legs, "That is what you were afraid of?" She looked between Kelsay and Jay, sighed and handed Jay his stuff back, "Paranormal Investigators, my butt."

Mike rolled his eyes.

"You know Jay," James said in his monotone, flat voice, "A spider is nothing more than an arachnid, and physically smaller than you and couldn't possibly do you any harm. Though did you know that there are spiders that could eat an entire camel? They live in the dessert and there are little spiders that can kill something as big as a cow. Did you know that cows are held in India as sacred animal and no one in India eats the cow 'cause it is so precious to them. I think I'm going to stop eating cows. I am going to go far away and become a monk, live in a temple, and just be completely-"

"SHUT UP!" Everyone yelled at one time.

James looked taken aback then just muttered something to himself and continued looking around.

"Wow, I think that that was the fastest that that ever worked." Mike said as he lit up a cigarette, "No one is taking pictures right?"

"No, it's cool." Jay said, "In fact let's all have a cigarette before we really get started."

The smokers of the group concurred and all lit up, Uncle Steve lit a cigar.

"Ok, so it's going to be two hours before we can start…" Kelsay rolled her eyes.

After the smoke break, and Uncle Steve butted out his cigar, Jay pressed record on the digital recorder again and looked at his watch, "Ok so it is now 10:30 pm. The investigation has officially started. We have thoroughly investigated the Office building, in hopes of finding some sort of records of Jason ever actually attending Camp Crystal Lake summer camp. Unfortunately most of the paperwork that remains is supply orders and bill records. Most of the rosters for the camp are either missing or are too damaged to read."

"Where do you want to go now?" Mike asked.

"Well, we could head out towards the lake, where Jason drowned." Jay said a little too enthusiastically.

"Supposedly drowned." Kelsay snidely commented.

"…Did drown." Jay retaliated.

"Isn't it funny though, we are investigating a lake camp that has the same name as a bottled water company? A little convenient. I won't be impressed until I see the guy in the hockey mask." Kelsay said trying to sound logical.

"This is the camp." Jay said stubbornly.

"It's just looking a little too much in your favor in the whole whose better argument." She started making her way towards the door, but didn't go out first, just to be on the safe side. Kelsay reached over and grabbed James and shoved him out the door. When he wasn't hacked into tiny bits, she too stepped outside, "Come on, let's go to the lake."

Everyone filed out of the Office and onto the path once more. The outside elements were still active, a couple of clouds rolled across the sky. The air was nippy, made worse by the cool breeze that seemed to seep right through a jacket. Even though everyone was done smoking you could still see clouds trail off of everyone from their breath.

When they made it to the lake, it was like your average typical lake. There was a small boat house, a dock, and forms of wildlife floating on top of and growing around the edge of the lake. The smell of the lake was more pungent and evident there.

"Oh, God. It smells like something died in there." Kelsay said as she covered her nose.

"SomeONE did die in there." Jay stressed.

"I was thinking more of a fish or a raccoon or something… but there you go jumping to conclusions."

"Stop it…" Lisa said in a warning tone.

"Yes, mom." Jay and Kelsay said together, both meaning it as a joke.

Jay spoke into the recorder again, "The Lake is a regular lake, and there is a certain eerie element to it but no conclusive evidence yet indicating that Jason is or was here. Unless, of course if you count the smell… It is the smell of decay and rot."

Jay put the recorder back into his pocket, something on the ground caught his eye, as he bent over to pick it up he realized that it was a chain. It was caked in mud and half buried, when he finally reached the end of it he realized that it was a locket. "Oh. My. God. Guys! Do you know what this is?" His voice was full of excitement, "Do you remember in Friday the 13th VII? Sandra? She was drowned… She reportedly had a locket like this."

"Jay, you do realize that this is all based on a movie, right?" Kelsay argued.

"Theoretically speaking, but there is more and more evidence to support the fact that the stories could be true!" Jay wasn't giving up.

"Jay for all we know this could just be a really good version of the movie set." Kelsay tried to take the logical role.

"Its not." Jay turned around, "Honey, will you take a look at this and tell me what you think?" But Lisa wasn't there, "Honey?" The panic instantly crept into his voice as everyone started to notice that Lisa wasn't there.

"Lisa?" Uncle Steve called, "Jay, I swear she was standing right next to me."

"Well where did she go?" Jay was near hysterics.

"I don't know… Is it possible that she just went to look at the boat house or something?" Uncle Steve was trying to remain calm for his nephew.

"No, she knows better than to go off on her own." Jay ran his hands threw his thinning hair, "It has to be Jason."

"Again, Jay, jumping to conclusions, she probably just had to pee or something." Kelsay said, again trying to be calm, but her eyes darted around for any sign of Lisa, "Let's just take a look around. We'll find her." She tried to sound as confident as possible mostly for Jay but partially for herself as well.

"Yeah…" Jay started to walk away from the lake; his steps were determined and worried.

The group followed closely, each member looking in all and every direction at once. They made it to the boat house, which was in the style of the Office building; nearly dilapidated. There was a large, fairly new looking, padlock on the door.

"Do you think she could be in there?" Mike asked, not thinking of the fact that its locked on the outside of the building.

"Actually, Mike if you look at the lock you can see that there is no way that she could get in there…" James started, "It is locked with the latch in the lock place, you would need a key with the exact rises and falls in it so that when you insert the key into the lock it will make the tumblers fall in a certain sequence so that it will open the lock. You know, I think that I am not going to be a monk but instead be a locksmith with monk like tendencies."

"SHUT UP!" Everyone but Jay chorused, he proceeded to walk up to the babbling fairy and punch him in the face.

Jay shook his hand to try and shake off the pain, "Actually, you fucktard," Jay growled, "He could have put her in there and then locked it."

"Actually…Jay…" Kelsay started, "If we go by your theory, and it is Jason Voorhees, then…"

"No, stop, don't even say it." Jay interrupted.

"But Jay, you've watched the movies… You know…" Kelsay regretted saying anything in the first place.

"Well, let's find something to break it open…" Mike suggested.

"Yeah… Good idea." Jay said as he started moving again, not sure of where he was going but knew he had to find something. Uncle Steve and Mike followed him.

"You know I was going to say the same thing…" James said holding his nose; blood seeped out from between his fingers, streamed across the back of his hand, beaded and dropped off as a splatter on the old wood of the boat dock.

"Yeah, right." Kelsay said as she rolled her eyes, "Come on, or we are going to loose them… And if I'm going to die tonight, I don't want to be anywhere near you when it happens."

When Kelsay and James caught up to Mike and Jay, they again noticed a change in their numbers, "Hey, guys, where is Uncle Steve?" James voice was a little whinier than usual, considering that his nose was giving off a squeaky whistling noise whenever he breathed.

"What?" Jay said as he did a complete 180 degree turn, "What do you mean 'Where's Uncle Steve'?"

"He was with you guys wasn't he?" James continued even though no one really wanted to hear him talk.

Jay hauled off and punched him again, only this time it knocked him to the ground and Jay didn't stop hitting.

Mike looked at Kelsay with a shocked face, let Jay go for a few more moments and then shoved her towards the pulverization.

"What?" She mouthed.

"Stop him." Mike whispered. James' yelps of pain could be heard in between each punch.

"Why me?"

"'Cause you're a girl.."

"And?"

"And if I try to stop him he'll hit me…He won't hit you…"

"What if I don't want him to stop? Plus this could be very therapeutic for him… I mean his girlfriend and his uncle are both missing… he just needs to vent."

Mike gave Kelsay a look that just said, 'Oh, come on…' then said, "Listen, we already have one psycho named Jason running around do we really need another one?"

Kelsay sighed, rolled her eyes and walked over to Jay and the bloody bruised pulp that remained of James, and then tapped Jay on the shoulder, "Jay… Jason… I think the retard learned his lesson…"

Jay gave one last half hearted, exerted, punch to James' eye, "I guess you are right… Now let's find Lisa and my uncle."

He got off of James and dusted his knees off, "Maybe, there is something in the counselor's cabin."

"Where's that?" Mike asked.

"In the movies it was usually the cabin closest to the lake." Jay said tapping into his Friday the 13th movie database.

"Maybe we should have grabbed a map in the office." Kelsay had meant it to sound sincere and less sarcastic.

Jay glared.

She looked at him with a sympathetic look, "Sorry."

Mike looked at her, "Smooth. You know if you keep that up I might just take back the not hitting you comment."

"Shut up, Mike. You know I didn't mean it that way." She looked over her shoulder at James, "You might want to peel him off the ground though."

"Do I have to…?" Mike crinkled his nose in complaint, but already knew the answer. He grabbed one of James' arms and literally had to peel him off the ground, then quickly slung him over his shoulder and carried him like a sack of potatoes.

As they followed Jay another cool breeze blew, which made a chill go down their spines. Kelsay stopped for a brief moment to look around, she didn't know if it was because of the circumstances or not but she felt as if they were being watched.

Every building in this place was in the same poor condition. There were four stairs leading to the porch on this cabin, the two lower ones were completely obliterated on the one side making it more difficult in the dim lighting to get proper footing. They went up the steps single file. Each use of the stairs made it more apparent then the last of the unstable structure of the entire building.

The uncertainty of the safety of his loved ones seemed to instill in Jay a certain form of courage, he may have even faced a spider. Without thinking about it too much he kicked open the termite rotted door, not taking chances with it being locked.

Kelsay followed Jay inside. Mike paused briefly outside to set James down on the porch, "You stay here. It there is a big man wielding a machete in there I want to be able to have at least half a chance of getting away."

James just groaned in response, unable to actually form words, a small blessing in disguise.

"Apparently the entire camp was decorated by the Addams Family." Kelsay said, coughing through a cloud of dust.

Jay had been right; the cabin closest to the lake was the counselor's cabin. He had his flashlight out and was wading through cobwebs to get to the fist aide kit that was oddly illuminated in the dark room. Sure enough next to the first aide kit was an axe. Quickly, Jay grabbed it, not even noticing the Wolfe spider crawling across the handle.

"Ok, I got what I need, lets get out of here…" Jay said as he was halfway out of the building already.

"Sure, grab the axe but completely walk past the first aide kit." Kelsay rolled her eyes but followed anyway.

"Oh, fuck that…" Mike walked to the back of the room and ripped the first aide kit off the wall, "This is fucking coming with us."

They regrouped on the porch.

"Where's dipshit?" Jay said when Mike came out.

"I don't know I put him right here." Mike pointed to the corner of the porch where there was a spot missing in the dust. Three rungs of the porch railing were broken and the dust had a cleared trail, which ended at the edge of the porch.

Jay went over to the spot, looked over the side of the railing, to see if there were any other signs of James, then crouched down to look at the rungs, "These look newly broken."

"Do you think Jason got him?" Kelsay asked.

"Oh what a shame, he's gone." Jay's voice held no actual sympathy.

"Nice! Now I don't have to carry his ass around!" Mike smiled.

"Lets go." Jay said and started down the porch and back towards the boat house.

Mike and Kelsay had to practically jog to keep up with Jay. When they got to the boat house Jay started hacking into the door with the axe. All Mike and Kelsay could do was stand back and let him go.

It took him about ten minutes to hack through the door but Jay finally made it through. Unfortunately it was an extreme let down for them. Lisa wasn't in there. Jay screamed in anger and threw the axe at the old, crappy, boat that had been ghostly bobbing in the water. It when through the bow of the boat with a loud crack and then a metal clank, it presumably hit the engine.

Kelsay walked over to Jay and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Its ok, I'm sure she is around here somewhere… and is ok."

"Yeah, Jay…" Mike said, eying the boat that was now filling with water and starting to sink, "There are still plenty of places to look."

"Yeah…" Jay agreed before heading out the splintered door.

They walked into an archery field, "Ok, we need a game plan." Jay started. "Ok we will start with each cabin, and then from there- Wait, where's Mike?"

Kelsay looked around, "He was right behind me… Mike?"

Her voice echoed through the field. There was no answer… They both started calling for Mike, there was still no answer.

"Great, out of the five of us that came here, three of us our missing!" Jay said in frustration.

"Weren't there six of us and four went missing?" Kelsay asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about Eddie." Jay said.

"No, Eddie was at home, his back hurt too much to come tonight, remember…"

"Oh yeah, awe, poor Shawn."

"No, Shawn was working, but you're probably right there were only five of us…" Kelsay digressed.

Suddenly they heard a scream echo across the lake, "KILL EVERYTHING! AHHHHHH!"

"Oh no, Mike." They both shouted before heading back towards the cabins to find Mike.

They reached the circle of cabin just in enough time to see Jason Voorhees dragging something behind him.

"Wait," Jay said as he grabbed the back of Kelsay's shirt and ducked behind one of the cabins at the same time, "Ok, now we really need a game plan."

Kelsay nodded in agreement.

"We'll wait until he comes out. Apparently that is where he is keeping them." Jay said still holding on to that hope that Lisa and Uncle Steve were still ok.

It was about forty minutes before Jason came back out of the cabin, luckily for them he went the opposite way of where they were hiding. As soon as he was out of sight they silently crept across the open area, the chilly autumn climate had made the ground frost and the grass crunched underneath their steps.

The stairs to the cabin were in a relatively more healthy condition than most of the other ones, though they still creaked extremely loud.

"Damn it." Jay muttered but they still made it up the stairs and onto the porch with no sign of Jason.

The door was of course unlocked, "Thank God serial killers aren't worried about robbers." Kelsay muttered as they entered the cabin.

Jay spotted Lisa's purse instantly, lying next to it was Uncle Steve's camera, "See Kelsay they have to be ok… There are their things and not their body parts or corpses."

She looked inside the cabinets, "It can't be the real Jason, there has got to be some form of him actually having to survive, food, bottled water, something."

She opened the cabinet above the sink and let out a blood curdling scream.

Jay jumped and went over to her, "What? What's wrong?"

All that Kelsay could do was back up, speechless, and point.

When Jay looked inside he too backed away. Inside the cabinet was Mike's head, his face permanently contorted into a grimace of pain and horror. It was wrapped in a clear plastic bag, tied off at the top.

"Oh my God! Mike's dead." It was Kelsay's time for hysterics. She began to panic, "Jay we have to get the fuck out of here, we'll call the cops, they'll come here and take the guy away. But we have to get the FUCK out of her first!"

"Kelsay, calm down. The cops won't be able to help. How many horror movies have you watched with me? You know that never works!" Jay was surprisingly calm.

"No, Jay we have to go!" Kelsay tugged on the door and pulled it open, "Come on!"

Against his better judgment Jay listened and followed.

They took off running, and were about to pass the last cabin when Jason stepped out from behind a tree. Instantly, they darted up the stairs, onto the porch and into the abandoned cabin.

Jay slowly shut the door behind them, knowing better than to slam it.

"Jay you were right! This whole time you were right." Kelsay was starting to cry.

Jay grabbed her arms, "Kelsay you need to calm down. You aren't going to be any help if you are acting like a crazy person. Now just calm down."

Behind Jay, Kelsay could see the infamous hockey mask morph out of the shadows, "Jay. Jason!... Jay!"

"What? I'm not going anywhere… I'm right here…"

"No, Jay… Jason!" Kelsay was trying to get his attention but no other words would come out of her mouth.

"Yeah, that's my name…"

Suddenly there was a flash of metal as Jason raised his machete, the light from the moon gleamed off of it.

"JAY! JASON IS…!" Kelsay started but the machete already started to come crashing down and was heading straight for Jay's back.

Kelsay reached forward and grabbed a hold of the front of Jay's hoodie and pulled him towards herself. There was a small ripping noise and Jay let out a small noise of pain. The machete had just grazed the back of his hoodie and made a small cut on the lower part of his back.

"Jesus Christ!" Jay shouted when he finally got a view of the serial killer. The two of them started stepping backwards. When their backs hit the wall behind them Jay noticed a window and quickly broke it open, "Here, climb out…"

"No, you first you're already hurt." Kelsay protested.

"I'm fine, just go." Jay was insistent.

"Will you just go already?"

"Listen we really don't have time to argue this, just go!"

Kelsay hesitated for a second and then climbed out the window, cutting her hand on the broken glass.

After Kelsay was away from the bottom of the window, Jay quickly launched himself out of the broken window, rolling; when he hit the ground.

"Oh my God, Jay, you okay?" Kelsay said as she tried to help Jay up from the chilled ground.

"Yeah," Jay got to his feet, quickly started to move, "I suggest we run though…"

"But-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know; running never does any good when Jason is chasing you but its human nature, so come on…"

Kelsay followed closely behind. They ran out of the cabin area and back through the archery fields. They were about twenty yards away from the Camp Office when someone grabbed Jay's shoulder from behind a tree.

Kelsay screamed only to be cut off by a loud "Shh" sound. When the initial shock of a sudden third presence wore off there was time to realize that it was Uncle Steve that had reached out and grabbed Jay.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Jay said as he finally swallowed his heart that had leapt into his throat.

"In the office," Uncle Steve explained, "after Lisa disappeared I thought that maybe there might be something in there that could help us."

"And you didn't bother to tell anyone where you were going?" Kelsay snapped.

"Well I didn't want to bother anyone and take away from time looking for Lisa." Reflecting on his first decision, Steve realized that it probably wasn't the best, "Where are the others?"

"Mike's head is in a cabinet and we haven't found James yet…" Jay started, "Oh yeah, it was James that we were forgetting, Kelsay…" He smacked his forehead as if to say 'Doh!'

"Oh, yeah…"

"Did you find any sign of Lisa?" Steve asked.

"Well we found her purse in the cabin that we found Mike's head in…" Kelsay informed, "Along with your camera."

"Did you get the camera…?" Uncle Steve held out his hands, expecting the camera to materialize into them.

"Sorry, but I was to busy freaking out over Mike's head in the cabinet to worry about picking up the camera."

"Son of a bitch!" Uncle Steve cursed, sounding reminiscent of Mike, which was just an ill timed joke.

Jay reached into the pocket of his hoodie and pulled out his cigarettes and lighter, as he opened the pack and pulled out a smoke, his lighter slid from his hand, "Shit…" He grumbled as he bent over to pick it up.

Suddenly something whizzed over his head and lodged its self in the tree behind him, it was the paper cutter blade that had been missing from the cutter in the office, there was pieces of bone and flesh sliding off of it as well as blood dripping from its edge.

Quickly, Jay stood up and at the same time Kelsay and Uncle Steve looked in the direction that the blade flew from.

Standing just on the edge of the tree line was Jason.

"How did he catch up that fast?" Kelsay grumbled.

"'Cause he is awesome like that." Jay said with a beaming smile on his face, for one second defaulting to his usual Jason fanboy-dom.

"He is trying to kill us and you are still getting all googly eyed at him?" Kelsay huffed, "Unbelievable!"

"Holy shit, he is real!" Uncle Steve also had a certain look of admiration for the indestructible creeper.

"Yeah, get on the same page… That's what you get for disappearing so early in the story…" Kelsay sighed.

Jason started to move forward, his hockey mask in place and the machete in hand.

"Ok, guys, I don't think he will give you his autograph so can we start running for our lives again?" Kelsay said as she backed away.

"Its ok," Uncle Steve stepped forward, "while I was in the office, I found something that could help us for just the sort of emergency."

"You found a gun?" Kelsay sounded hopeful.

"No, that wouldn't work anyway…" Steve said as he dug around in his pockets.

"But it's a gun, it makes a big boom noise, regardless of whether or not it would do any good, it's still kind of comforting to have when they guy coming after you has a big pointy knife." She argued.

"I don't have any guns, but I do have office supplies." Uncle Steve said this with some pride.

"Man, the urge to shoplift is still strong in this one…" Jay said, sounding reminiscent of Yoda.

Jason was closer now and they still haven't moved anywhere, though he was taking his good old time to kill them.

"Well, what ever you are going to do can you just do it because he is getting closer and we aren't moving further away." As she said this she took a step back.

"Ah-huh!" Steve said as he pulled an industrial sized super stapler out of his pocket, "Here one is…"

"A stapler?" Jay and Kelsay chorused.

"That is you master plan?" Kelsay said in disbelief.

Uncle Steve held up his index finger as to say, hold on a second, then threw the stapler at Jason. Its weight allowed it to sail through the air, but it pegged Jason in the chest and bounced off. He paused a second and looked down at the stapler, then looked back up that the trio, and continued walking again.

"Wow, that was effective." Kelsay said sarcastically.

Uncle Steve pulled another out of his jacket and threw it as well, it too sailed through the air and hit Jason. This time in the head. The large man's head knocked to one side when it made contact and he stopped walking, stood there for a second, then fell straight back onto the ground.

"See!" Uncle Steve said pointing, "It worked!"

"For the time being and now we are down two staplers." Kelsay shot back.

"Ok, well I suggest we move now, 'cause its not going to work for long." Jay said as he noticed Jason's hand starting to twitch.

The three of them headed back towards the cars and Uncle Steve's truck. The back window to the truck was broken and there was blood gleaming off of the moonlight. The blood started on the edge of the window and ran its way down the bed-door and off of the back bumper, creating a small blood puddle on the ground.

"Oh, no..." Uncle Steve took off towards his truck.

Kelsay followed him, but Jay hung back a little, in worry that the person in the truck may be Lisa.

"Fuck!" Uncle Steve shouted, and backed away from the truck window.

"Who is it?" Kelsay said as she peered inside, to find that it was James, answering her own question.

"Shit," Steve growled in frustration, "now I have to clean out whining bitch out of my truck!"

Jay sighed in relief, there was still hope that Lisa was alive.

Kelsay looked at Uncle Steve, "Good luck with that, I'm not touching that."

"Does the truck start?" Jay asked, finally reaching them.

"I don't know…" Uncle Steve unlocked the door to the driver's side and stuck the keys in the ignition. It made noises like it was going to start but the engine never turned over.

"Well, we could try Lisa's or my car." Kelsay suggested. She reached into her hoodie pocket and grabbed her keys, making them jingle a little.

"If he got to my truck he probably got to the cars too." Steve said as he tried to start his truck once more.

"But what if that is what he wants you to think?" She started to walk towards her car, which was parked a few feet away from Steve's truck.

"Kels, wait!" Jay called after her.

Suddenly something flew out of the nearby woods and collided with Kelsay, both toppled to the ground with a loud thud. Kelsay immediately started screaming.

Jay and Steve both ran over, Kelsay was squirming on the ground trying to get whatever was on her off. As she pushed at the heavy object, she as well as the guys noticed that it was Lisa.

She was covered in mud, or was it blood, in the poorly lit clearing, none of them could tell.

"Oh my God, Lisa!" Jay tried to pick her up, causing her to cry out in pain.

She turned her face to him, her hair matted to her forehead; she had a large scratch across her face, "Jason…" Her voice was weak.

He hugged her and silently vowed to never let go again, "What happened? Where were you?" His voice was thick with tears; of relief and sadness.

"Woods… Jason had me, I got away… He chased me, then found James… Oh God the things he did to him…" She started, her voice was strained.

"Yeah, we all saw what he did to James," Steve interrupted and turned towards the truck, "I'll be cleaning that up for weeks, if I ever get it out of here."

"And Mike… He's…" Lisa started again but began to cry.

Jay hugged her tighter, "I know, we are going to try and get out of here, ok? Can you walk?"

Lisa just nodded and poorly attempted to wipe the tears from her face. Kelsay lifted herself from the ground, then helped Jay lift Lisa.

Lisa could walk but her gate had an extremely noticeable limp to it, Jay wrapped her arm around his shoulders as they continued to Kelsay's car.

Kelsay opened her car door, "Ok guys, if this works, I'm sorry for the mess just kind of fit yourselves where you can…"

"You still haven't cleaned this thing out?" Jay said with a sigh.

"You were the one that said that we were going to do it this summer…and never did…" Kelsay said as she attempted to help Jay get Lisa in the back seat.

"Really?" Uncle Steve complained, "Can we just push this stuff all to one side and out of the car?"

Kelsay glared at him, "No…"

"Well if you would have let me clean it when I offered to…" Uncle Steve started.

"Just shut up and help…" Kelsay said as she started her car, "See I told you it would work!" She smiled triumphantly.

Jay got into the back seat and pulled Lisa in the back with him, so that she was laying across the back seat, various items digging into her back. Jay was forced to sit in Russell's car seat, oddly enough fitting comfortably. He could have even buckled himself into it, which he did.

Uncle Steve got shotgun, "Alright lets get the fuck out of here."

"You don't have to say that twice." Kelsay said as she threw her car into reverse, then drive, and hit the gas peddle.

"Hey guys! Look back here!" Jay said through giggles, now that he knew that Lisa was safe he reverted back to his retarded self.

Both of the front seat passengers looked back to make sure everything was ok.

"Yeah so, you're in the carseat…" Kelsay said.

"No… Look…" Jay chuckled.

Both looked down…

"Oh dear God!" Kelsay shouted and turned back around.

"Goddamn it! Put your balls away!" Uncle Steve yelled as he closed his eyes so hard that the lids should have fused together.

"I think my retinas are burning." Kelsay stated as the car lurched forward, made it about twenty feet, and then began to stall. It crept to a stop behind Lisa's car.

"Uh-oh…" Kelsay giggled nervously, "Guys… Hehe… I forgot about gas…"

"You bought cigarettes with that ten bucks I gave you for gas, didn't you." Uncle Steve said dryly not even looking at Kelsay, he just kept staring out the windshield.

She nodded.

"Great, now how are we supposed to get out of here?" Jay asked, strapped in safer than any gold at Fort Knox.

Slowly they all turned their heads towards Lisa's car.

"Do you think…?" Jay asked.

"It's worth a shot." Uncle Steve said.

"On the count of three?" Kelsay asked, trying to form a plan, "Uncle Steve get back in the car! We are going on three!"

"You guys just get Lisa in the car, and pray that it works… I'll push this little fuck fuck out of the way."

"Fine…" Kelsay threw the car into park, got out, and pushed the seat forward so that she could help Lisa out, "Come on…"

Jay fiddled with the red button to release him from his self induced trap, "Its stuck!"

"Don't say dat!" Kelsay shouted as she helped Lisa into the back of her car, "Lisa, sweetie where are the keys...?"

Weakly she lifted her hand and pointed towards the center console, "Right there in my purse…"

Kelsay stood up quickly and hit her head off of the ceiling of the car, "Son of a bitch!"

"What?" Jay asked as he flailed around trying to get out of the car seat.

"Her keys are in her purse!" Kelsay rubbed the back of her head, where a lump was going to develop.

"See! I told you fuckers you should have grabbed the purse and the camera but noooo don't listen to Steve!" Uncle Steve snidely commented as he too attempted to get the red button on the car seat.

"Ah! That's my nuts you're squishing!" Jay protested, still attempting to find an alternative route out of the seat.

"Really? Put them back in your pants then!" Uncle Steve tugged on the grey plastic Y shaped thing and pushed on the button…

"Why don't you just magician your way out of it, Jason Mayhem." Kelsay rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"You're fired." Jay said as he narrowed his eyes at her and chewed air.

"Just cut the straps!" Lisa called from her back seat, then muttered to herself, "Fucking retards…"

"Oh yeah…" Steve said as he pulled out his pocket knife, "But where were you with the master plan two minutes ago when I was fondling Jay's balls?"

"Leave her alone, she doesn't feel good." Kelsay said, "Someone has to go back for her purse, by the way…"

"Oh yeah, don't forget my camera," Uncle Steve said as he cut the straps and Jay wiggled free, "Or let me guess I have to be the mother fucker that goes back for it…?"

"No, I'll do it… Just get my car out of the way… Man, my dad is going to be pissed when I tell him I left my car at Crystal Lake…" Kelsay grumbled as she headed back towards the Camp Office.

"You're not going by yourself… You'll end up in a storm drain or a snow bank." Uncle Steve said as he started towards her.

"Or a new grave." Jay chimed in, finally exiting the Cavalier's back seat.

"Shut up…" Kelsay glared, yet again, "Both of you… I can do it. Okay, for one; I highly doubt there is a storm drain, and two; THERE IS NO SNOW! Now I can't promise anything about the new grave thing… but still there is a very low probability of that."

"Ok, James, I'll go back, do you two fuck nuts think you can handle pushing the car out of the way?" Uncle Steve oh-so-kindly offered.

"Yeah…" Kelsay and Jay agreed.

Uncle Steve quickly ran off towards the camp.

"Ok, let's push this car…" Jay said leaning against trunk, "Haha he called you James…"

"Well, I'm sure that if he didn't then you would have." Kelsay said as she started pushing on the car.

Jay joined her, "True." They pushed on the car but all it did was rock. "Why isn't this fucker moving? Its not that big of a car."

"I don't know… I've never pushed a car before…" Kelsay said still trying to push the car even though Jay had stopped.

"Well, you put the car in neutral… and then you push it…" Jay said as if he was talking to his seven year old daughter, Jada.

"Oh!" Kelsay smacked her forehead, "It's supposed to be in neutral?" She ran to the driver's side of the car and fixed the problem.

Jay narrowed his eyes, "You had it in park this whole time didn't you?"

"Maybe," Kelsay said embarrassed, "but it should work now…"

She and Jay went back to pushing the car again, this time it worked. They were able to get the car moved out of the way.

"Now all we have to do is wait for Uncle Steve." Jay said as they got into Lisa's car.

Each minute that Uncle Steve didn't come back the three of them began to grow more nervous. Jay's imagination got the better of him and he stared out the window playing out fifty thousand eight hundred and thirty two different ways that Uncle Steve was being murdered. Lisa soon fell asleep in the back seat, softly –er , well, not so softly snoring.

Suddenly there was a loud pounding on the trunk of the car, Jay and Kelsay jumped and looked out the back window. It was Uncle Steve, he had Lisa's purse and his camera. Jay crawled over the center console and into the back seat with Lisa, while Uncle Steve got into the passenger side. When he was in, he also had something else, "Hey, Jay, look what I picked up!" Out of his pants Uncle Steve produced Jason's machete, "Its his actual machete!"

"Are you fucking serious?" Jay said in jealous rage, "You're an asshole!"

"Thank you, Jay…" Kelsay said digging around in Lisa's purse for her keys, "This thing is mini sized but you can't find effin keys in it for you're life… Oh wait…"

"I wanted it!" Jay said stewing in the back.

Kelsay stopped looking for the keys and slowly turned around to look at Jay… In Stewie Griffin fashion, "You've got to be kidding me…"

"No… Now are you going to find those keys or not?" Jay said not looking at his Uncle.

"Yeah, you better find them quick. Jason is going to be pissed when he realizes his MACHETE," Steve looked back at Jay, "is missing." He then went back to ogling the fricking Rambo knife.

Kelsay kept digging in the purse, "They aren't in here…"

"Uh… That's cause they are in the ignition." Uncle Steve pointed out between looking at the machete and Jay; for gloating purposes.

"Are you serious…?" Jay asked, "If I knew you were coming back with the most epic souvenir in the world we should have left your ass here."

"Yeah like that would happen… You wouldn't have let me." Kelsay said as she turned the key. The car sputtered to life, went in reverse, and started forward.

Lisa started to wake up, "Jay?"

"It's ok, we're leaving now." Jay said to reassure her.

"Hey, Jay." Uncle Steve said casually.

"What?"

"Can't touch this!" Uncle Steve said turning around holding up the machete, with a big smile on his face, before turning around to face forward again. When turned completely around he started doing the seat dance version of the 'Can't touch this!' dance while singing parts of it.

"Will you watch where you are swinging that thing?" Kelsay scolded, she was trying to concentrate on driving.

Jay narrowed his eyes and started chewing air again.

"And don't you be chewing air back there, mother fucker." Uncle Steve said confidently.

"Fuck…" Jay said to himself as he shook his head, "How did he do that?"

They were headed down the dirt road that lead away from the camp, "Ok, guys we are almost to the road, we are almost safe." Kelsay said as she turned around to look at everyone. She rolled down the window to smoke a cigarette, "You know even through all of this shit… I still have to say that Freddy's still better…"

In an instant an arrow flew through the open window and pierced straight threw her neck, blue cigarette smoke and blood poured out of the fresh wound, splatter from the injury landed on Steve, and landed on his Charlie Brown shirt. Her foot tromped down on the gas, which sped the car up… slightly.

From the back seat, Jay could see that there was a tether attached to the arrow, but before he could say anything, her head snapped to the side and hit against the side of the door, with a loud crack. Her body bent in an odd way before it was ripped out of the open window, the last sounds that they could hear from her were strained and gargled screams.

Shock wore off and Steve grabbed a hold of the steering wheel, before the car could smash into the guardrail, the car swerved, dust kicking up behind it. They hit a pot hole, which caused the tie rod to snap. The car hit the opposite guardrail and flipped, skidding to a halt further down the small road.

Lisa screamed out in pain, but wasn't injured any further. Jay, who had fastened his seatbelt, was now dangling upside down in the car, "Steve…" He called out to his Uncle, "Steve? Are you ok?"

There was no answer, quickly he unbuckled the seatbelt and fell, "Ow, my balls." He fought through the pain and crawled across the roof and various items to get to the front of the car. There he found his Uncle with the sacred machete through his chest.

"Looks like Jason got one more person with that thing." Jay said in remorse.

Uncle Steve coughed, blood dripped from his mouth, he wasn't dead, "Fuck this thing…" He coughed again, "You can have it now… Uhhhhhrrrrgggghhh…"

Jay laughed weakly at his dying Uncle's Monty Python reference before letting a few tears escape.

Jay tugged on the handle of the machete, slowly working it out of Steve's chest with each tug.

"Jason, what are you doing?" Lisa asked from the back.

"He said I could have it." Jay gave one final tug and it was free, "Stay here."

"Where are you going?"

"Just stay here… I'll take care of it." With that he crawled out of the driver's side.

Lisa continued to protest from the back seat, "Jay! Get back in here… Jason! JAY! That's it you are totally cut off! For like three years!"

Jay paused a second, thought about turning around, but superhero complex set in and he figured she would forgive him once he saved the day…well at least her life.

The dust from the car wreck still hadn't settled, the cloud covered the small road in front of and behind him. He started off in one direction, stopped, turned around, then went the other way.

"Great! I feel safe!" Lisa called from the car.

"Shush yourself." Jay said, he was already nervous.

The dust was beginning to thin, he could see something move in the distance.

"Kels?" It wasn't likely but he was hoping that she was somehow still alive.

The shadowy figure loomed closer, its walk was awkward. Jay nervously shifted, not sure if he should walk towards it or not. Suddenly the dust broke and there was Jason Vorhees, in one hand was the blade from the cutter that had been thrown at him earlier that night, the other held a rope.

As Jason made his advances towards Jay behind him drug the corpse of Kelsay. Her body covered in dusty blood, the arrow still protruded from her neck.

Jason stopped once he noticed the machete in Jay's hand, looked at his cutter blade, then back at the machete. He threw the blade down on the dirt road, it causing its own little cloud, and then walked towards Jay in a quicker pace than his normal walk. As he moved closer, Kelsay's lifeless body flopped and limply bounced off of the uneven road.

When he was right in front of Jay, Jay swung the machete at the murderer. Jason caught Jay's hand. Jay tried kicking at his legs. The hand that held his to the machete had crushing strength.

Though Jay's efforts were good, it was not enough to get Jason to let up. Jason gave a few tugs on Jay's arm to try and free his machete from the smaller Jason, when that was to no avail he stepped back; placing his giant boot on Kelsay's head. He gave a quick tug, pulling the arrow free from her throat with a sickening ripping sound, which made Lisa's stomach turn.

A new puddle of blood pooled around the pair of Jasons. Jason Vorhees took the end of the rope and wrapped it around Jay's neck several times bringing the arrow closer so that he could grab it. Jay was able to grab the arrow before Jason was and plunged it into Jason's chest.

Jason stopped what he was doing and looked down at the arrow, then back up at Jay. With his free hand he ripped the arrow from his chest and started to wedge it threw the rings of rope and Jay's neck. The sharpened tip cut into Jay's throat. Jay yelled in pain as it sliced through his skin.

Lisa, who had been watching the whole thing, put her head down and silently screamed, then cried into her arm, so that Jason wouldn't hear her.

When the arrow showed through the last of the ring of rope, Jason let go of Jay's hand and grabbed the arrow tip. Quickly, he spun Jay around and started twisting the arrow. The ropes contracted around Jay's neck, cutting off his oxygen supply. It took a few minutes but eventually his body stopped fighting and went limp. Jason gave one last tug on the arrow just for good measure, the arrow and several vertebras in Jay's neck snapped.

Jason let Jay's body fall to the ground. He stepped over it and picked up his machete, in calm, slow, steady pace.

Lisa kept her head down. She could hear Jason's footsteps getting closer. With each heavy thud she wanted to scream out. She couldn't though. She couldn't let him know that she was there… or at least still alive.

Gravel crunched under his weight as he bent over to look inside the car. She held her breath. He saw the corpse of Uncle Steve and her body. Slowly he stood back up and started back towards the camp.

Lisa held her breath until her lungs burned for oxygen. Finally, she allowed herself to breathe. It was still another five minutes before she lifted her head to look out the back window. She tried to avoid looking at Jay's body, but it caught her peripherals. She started crying all over again. Still silent, still cautious.

When she was able to calm herself, she was more determined. She weakly climbed to the front of the car and pulled herself out of it. Outside; she looked around, no sign of Jason, only the bodies of her family and friends. The dust from the car wreck had settled now and she could see cars passing on the main road in the distance, it was only about two hundred feet. They had been so close.

Quickly, she started limping her way towards the cars, towards people, towards safety. Out of no where she could hear footfalls behind her, she took the second to look behind her, to her horror; Jason was following her.

She limped faster, the road only a hundred feet away now. She pushed herself, but he was closing in on her…

Finally, she made it to the mouth of the dirt road, and stepped onto the paved road. Jason was still behind her, advancing. She looked up and down the road, nothing was coming.

The murderer was a few yards away from her, she backed away from him, and he was still coming towards her, feet away from her. Suddenly a Mac truck flew down the road and hit the psycho. The driver of his truck slammed on his breaks and the big wheeler screeched to a halt. She started running towards the truck, not caring if it hurt her to do so, "Wait!" She called.

"Did I just hit someone?" The driver called back.

"No, well yes, but you saved my life!"

"What the hell happened to you?" The driver had pulled out a flashlight and was checking her over.

"I'll explain, just could you give me a ride?" She nervously looked over her shoulder at Jason's immobile corpse.

"Of course, get in."

He helped her into the truck and they took off down the road.

"My friends and I were investigating Crystal Lake…" She started.

"Why on Earth would you do that? Everyone knows to steer clear of that place…"

As the truck rolled off into the distance, Jason's hand twitched, then slowly he lifted himself off of the pavement. His dusty body creaked and popped as he did so. Silently he began his walk down the dirt road, back to his home, waiting for his next victims.

*The End* (Insert Lonely Man song! LOL)


End file.
